HOW TO GAIN CLIENTS AND BRIBE PEOPLE!

Nobody schmoozes quite like a business that is trying to onboard a client! Between long lunches at swanky establishments, and lavish gifts (can we call them bribes?) like corporate gift boxes, bottles of expensive liquor, and anything else that might seal the deal, we've yet to see a stop that won’t be pulled out in order to win over a lucrative client! While we cannot whisper sweet nothings into their ears, we can sort you out with kick ass hampers to help you kiss ass with your clients!

So consider this is our contribution to Operation Kiss-Corporate-Ass!

 

One word: Booze

Got the 411 on the client’s favourite drop? This is good intel!

Trivia Olivia has enough spirit for every client you’re trying to schmooze! Starting with the spirit with the most spirit: Taka gin, and accompanied with Midnight Mixers tonic, Bahen & Co Madagascar chocolate, and Wondaree macadamias.

Alcoholic Alan is one hamper you should give with caution. Let’s not gift any prospective or existing client with a corporate gift box that might accuse them of being alcoholics! If they pass the test for our very particular and sassy sense of humour, then proceed (but still with caution!). True to his name, Alcoholic Alan contains a bottle of Grandvewe vanilla liqueur, a four-pack of Taylor & Smith cocktails, a Makoto jigger, as well as a Maison Blanche candle, and Good Day chocolate.

Wanna manifest the establishment of the business relationship between you and the client? Laughing Lisa will help, with a bottle of Babo Prosecco that is just begging to be popped for a celebratory occasion! She also includes a bottle of Poor Toms imbroglio Amaro, Good Day chocolate, and a Makoto jigger.

Food Focused

We all know a way to the man’s heart is through his stomach, but who’s to say the way to a client’s business account isn’t via the same thing?

Gourmet Greg is a real obvious choice here. Starting with a bottle of wine (red, white, or non-alcoholic), sh*t gets real with Drunken Sailor Beetroot & Gin Relish, Olsson’s x Four Pillars Rare Dry Gin Salt, Bramble & Hedge Chai, Wild Fig & Raspberry Nougat, and Maya Sunny Honey: macadamia crunch.

Aussie Ash is a great way to keep it in the family. With a heavy lean on supporting First Nations businesses, this hamper contains Four Pillars Rare Dry Gin, Tasteology Lemon Myrtle Syrup, Indigiearth Saltbush Dukkah, two cans of Tasmanian Tonic Water, Wondaree macadamias, and Bahen & Co Madagascar milk chocolate.

Miscellaneous

If your intel on the client is vague, then we’ll go through a couple that should be crowd pleasers no matter where their tastes lie!

Sociable Sasha has bits and pieces that will please anyone. Her contents include a bottle of Minimum wine, Ferm Living Carafe Set, Black Black candle, Bahen & Co Madagascar chocolate, Addition Studio bath soak, Addition Studio body scrub, and two Taylor & Smith cocktails.

Sharer Sarah is the corporate gift box with no bottom! If it’s good enough for international celebs, it’s good enough for any client of yours! (And trust us, it's good enough for international celebs.) Sharer Sarah contains a bottle of Minimum wine, Four Pillars Dry Gin, Mr Black Espresso Martini, Bramble & Hedge Sticky Date Caramel Nougat, Wondaree macadamias, Maison Blanche candle, a packet of Fluffe, and Good Day chocolate.

Clients are not the only people who deserve your mildly manipulative generosity. Got employees who have really hustled for you this year? Show your gratitude with a hamper. Business Insider has collated an assortment of hamper ideas that will convey your appreciation for your workmates!